If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
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