I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
