What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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