You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
