We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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