Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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