Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
