my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
