so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
