Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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