I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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