The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
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I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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