I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
