you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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