The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
A+ Viking dick
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
