Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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