we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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