and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
