Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
