He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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