Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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