It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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