I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
we're making bets on your personal life
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
