he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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