i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
