I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
