I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
