i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
