The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
