I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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