listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
