Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
