would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
