Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
be right there i have to get my cape
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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