LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
