1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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