Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
