It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
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do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
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think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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