but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
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