I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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