he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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