he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
