you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
