haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
