I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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