We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
