Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize