she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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