the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
