My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
