WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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