when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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