when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
