its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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