This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
