i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
