So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
