Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
