dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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