New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
