I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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