But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
