The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
