sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
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I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
And then my night got REAL pukey
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
And my parents said I crawled through the house
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Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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