I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
