I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
