you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
